The "Fair" TF2 class loadouts and guide

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No matter what server you play on, at sometime someone is going to complain about a class and loadout someone else is playing. Mostly it's just hat jealously. But even myself will rant about a huntsman sniper from time to time. It's been in my thoughts for a little while now on what possible class combinations and loadouts could one possibly use that would not upset a single player in any circumstance.


- Scout -


Even though this is probably the most tolerated class and gets the less complaints against it but you can now only play this class on offense. The scout also can no longer take teleprompters or pickup med kits. And if you don't touch or cap a control point or intel within 30 seconds your disconnected from the server for being idle.


- Soldier -


The base class in the game. The average Joe. No one has any complaints against this class right? *cough* Ok so right off we make the escape plan the default melee weapon and a global effect on the soldier so he can no longer be a medic target. Direct Hit is the only rocket launcher available, and the buff banner is now jammed full of cupcakes that you can hand out to nearby enemy players to give them health.


- Demoman -


Why can't we all just love the colorful drunken scotsman. It's hard to tweek this one around so that everyone is happy with the "skill" of the class. We'd basically have to strip all existing weapons and give him a golden retriever to walk around the map with that would sniff out spies or something while he swung around his bottle of single malt whiskey. Either that or he could just throw cans of spam at people. Either way in the game itself you can probably only use the Loch N Load and Splendid Screen, but I'm sure people would still hate you.


- Heavy -


Who wants sandvich? Your medic buddy does. In fact everyone does. That's why we are making the mini gun dispense sandviches. That's right heavy weapons guy you are now a heavy vending machine to stand next to that engy dispenser where you belong.


- Engineer -


Hey there little buddy. Probably the most popularly played class because " If I had a hammer (or a wrench in this case) I'd hammer all over this land." Yet because of this it is the most critically remarked against class. So to make everyone happy your dispenser and teleprompters are the only things on your construction PDA. The enemy team just hates running into your sentries anyways.


- Pyro -


Mmmphra Mur Mra Murpha Mo. Mmma Mrpmph Mruam Mphmmm Mrreeep Mro Mmm Mmm Mmm. Mru Mruphmm Mroffurm Frost's Mum, Mrumph Mrumph Mrumph. You're now tethered to the engy's dispenser to spy check.


- Medic -


The newest cosmetic hat in the game! That's right folks the medic is now just a cosmetic class to follow everyone else around with. Your mediguns will have a variety of different beams you can choose from to blast your teammates with to no effect. Relax though as you will now gain twice the health from medkit pickups and you can never die so your heavy buddy will never feel alone as he flings sandviches across the map for everyone.


- Sniper -


One shot one kill is the only way to display your skill. Sniper rifles now can only register headshots, all body shots heal the target to full health. You can also only fire the guns while scoped in at full charge. Sniper rifles also will have a max effective range of 20 feet so that you are not hiding in the back of spawn.


- Spy -


Last but not least the engy's counter part. All spies will get a free unusual hat that they are forced to wear that blinks from an arrow pointing at them, to saying Spy. Sappers are now cardboard signs that say "I was here." Back stabs are now face stabs and face stabs are now back stabs. And revolvers now have those nifty "Bang" flags that pop out of them when fired. After all you're a distinguished gentleman and guns just aren't civilized.




If you try your best to follow these simple guides and try to obtain a load out that full fills each class' new function mentioned above, no one will ever have anything bad to say about your TF2 playing. And remember unless you do have an unusual hat your doing it all wrong anyways.





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lol awesome. Now how about the flipside. Do you like to see people get upset over trivial matters? Do you like to poke at people who take themselves too seriously? Do you go out of your way to switch to a particular gun or loadout when you hear someone whine about it? If so, you are like me and K! That's one of the main things that keeps TF2 fun for us!


So, best possible troll loadouts?


Sniper - Huntsman / any bodyshot rifle. If you want to be a hipster Sniper and play ironically, always use the razorback.

Engineer - Mini-sentry, any map on the board. Especially if you're good at it.

Medic - Focus most of your attention on the 1-2 players on your team who are doing the most damage. Only give ubers to people who know how to use them (that's so unfair).

Heavy - Team up with a medic to make your class viable in the first place (how dare you!)

Demoman - Any decent sticky trap.

Pyro - Don't you dare move forward while activating your flame thrower.


Bold = my favorites.

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Oh you want the Hyphen Dash K Dash Hyphen guide to troll loadouts, Frost?


Only use these load outs if you want the opposite effect of the original post.


- Scout -


Force of Nature, Cleaver, Atomizer. Knockback, bleed damage, and a third jump need i say more for annoyance.


- Soldier -


There's a couple ways you can go with this class. Use to be straight up Liberty Launcher before they redid stats on it.


Beggar's Bazooka, Gunboats, Escape plan. Just let them rocket fly and the escape plan is for when a medic tries to heal you.


Rocket Jumper, Base Jumper, Market Gardener or Rocket Jumper, Man Treads, Market Gardener.


You can also just go straight up soldier with a pocket and get people cranky calling you out for having no skills but friends.


- Demo man -


Sticky spam sticky spam sticky spam. Only use you sticky launcher. Seriously get comfortable with the timing for detonation and just fling your stickies at people. Once you get the feel you'll be able to rain on the other teams day.


- Heavy -


Mini gun, Sandvich, Holiday Punch.  To effectively troll with a heavy you have to have a medic buddy. You could go onto payload race server and just sit on the cart as well. But better than anything a medic buddy is needed. Kill as many things as you can (outside their spawn prefered) and while uber tickle them with the mittens.


- Engy -


Frontier Justice, Pistol, Gunslinger. Do not build any dispenser or teles. Just poop out mini sentries and pistol people until you get frontier justice crits.


- Medic -


Crusader's Crossbow, Kritzkrieg, Ubersaw. Heal only one target that can handle a kritz and kill many things. If you see a sniper shoot it with the crossbow.


- Pyro -


Phlog, Scorched Shot, Back Scratcher.  Idea is to scorch shot people and knock them around while building up your phlog crits. Back Scratcher is because nothing will be on fire and has 25% damage bonus.


Degreaser, Flare gun, Axetinguisher. Even though this has become the "standard" load out it's also an extremely troll worthy load out and will cause much rage.


- Sniper -


Huntsman, Jarate, Bushwacker


Sydney Sleeper, Jarate, Bushwacker


Either load out you'll be pissing people off.


- Spy -


All you need is your dead ringer and try to not die once in a single round. Stay on the bottom of the score board by targeting only one or two enemy players and you'll have the enemy team and your own furious at you.

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